Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?——It is easier to become well-educated than it was in the past.
Recently, more and more parents focu their attentions on education of their kids, and begin to think now education ability in China is not perfect. But in my opinion, I think now Chinese education is better and easier to improve students than it in the past.
有些常用词尝试想想有没有可替换的表达，这样表达上不落俗套，尤其是首段，能瞬间抓住考官注意力。比如more and more这个短语，基本都用烂了，可以换成the number of… is ever increasing.表明某事或人群的数量一直在增加。《新托福写作真经6》上不少参考范文对于“越来越”用什么英文来表达，就没有总是用more and more，比如170页Introduction 这段用到了there is growing concern among the public about sth.，表示大众越来越担忧某事。
The number of parents focusing their attention on their children’s education is ever increasing. A small proportion of parents begin to think today’s imperfect education system renders it hard for people to become well-educated. In my opinion, however, it is easy for people nowadays to receive a high standard of education, apparently easier than it was in the past.
First of all, I think it is easier to become well-educated than it was in the past because the Chinese government and parents in the past couldn't pay enough attention and resources for education. Actually, in the past, most of families lived in China through their crops and animals which they feeded and selled for other people, which caused they to suivive in the past and not think education is important for their children. On the other hand, the government didn't invest some educational facilities like schools or tests, which led some children to have to study alone or spend more expensive money finding their teachers if their want to study. For example, in the past in China there was a kid called Kong who could write a complete artcle fast, but he couldn't become a great author because his parents couldn't support him to study new knowledges.
这一段主要需要完善的地方是，对于作者自己的claim，并没有给出明确的理由来解释，而是直接由claim推出下一步结果，这样必然会导致论证不充分。比如过去的政府没怎么建学校，原因是什么呢？比如《新托福写作真经6》238页，Body paragraph1中，对于第一句分论点“要鼓励小孩子多跟他人接触”，第二句就立刻说明了原因：人是社会性动物。从下面的修改可以看出，笔者用各种signal words，比如due to, since, because, contributor等，引出原因。另外例子基本无说服力，所以直接删掉。
In the past, from parents to governments of all levels, people appeared to pay inadequate attention to education due to social disorders such as wars or other factors. Civilians in most countries, especially developing ones, made a living on produce made from their crops and domestic animals. Most families cultivated crops and fed animals every day, the reason why they could survive in the past. Therefore, people in previous times did not think education was important for their children since it was not a good help in agriculture. As far as the government is concerned, it didn’t allocate so many financial or other resources to education such as building schools because on top of its agenda was economic growth. Most factories, the main contributors to the development of economy, were in need of workers working on the stream lines, which generated little demand for education.
Secondly, I think it is easier to become well-educated than it was in the past because now Chinese educational system is complete and free. In China, the government constructs a lot of building about education like library or school which we can use to study. On the other hand, in fact, every Chinese children can get free studying chances for 9 years. Actually, over 85 percent civils in China used to study and get some skills like logical ability which support them to live in China through Chinese educational system.
In the contemporary society, education is becoming a high priority in a majority of countries. The prosperity and success of a country depends primarily on talents and education nurtures talented young generation. Also, parents’ awareness of the importance of education is increasing. Accordingly, businessmen with an acute sense set up private educational institute both offline and online. In China, for instance, the government constructs schools and libraries, where people can obtain knowledge. The tuition fee in this country is even free for primary and high schools students. And students can enjoy the free online courses top schools provide.India, on the other hand, seems to suffer a brain drain because most Indian high school graduates tend to further their education in U.S. and some choose to stay there. Its government is attempting to curb this trend.
As a result, I think now children can become well-educated than it in the past.
As is stated above, I think it is easier for people to become well-educated than it was in the past.